So, if you know me, you know I like food.  That’s no surprise.  So, when Dryer’s releases a new brand of ‘low fat’ Ice Cream sandwiches, you know I’m on that like a fat kid on Ice Cream Sandwiches.  (Hmm…a little too literal there?)

Fat Kid on an Ice-Cream Sandwich

They come nicely packed in an egg-carton type plastic container, separated from each other so they can’t give each other ice-cream cooties-

One's already missing! Damn fat kid!

And if you’re looking at you local store for these delicious but IN NO WAY FATTENING treats this is what the box looks like-

So far, I’ve ‘sampled’ the Strawberry shortcake, Chocolate Mint, and Cookie Dough.  They taste good, they’re creamy, and as the package tells me, there’s only 140 calories per.  That means you could eat the whole fucking box in one sitting…TWICE and still not hit the daily required caloric intake for an adult male living in the US of A.  You would however, hit the max of your daily required fiber, which is a sort of good/bad thing in that you NEED fiber, but you might not like the dairy/fiber combo that is sure to hit your exhaust port in an hour or two post consumption of 2 boxes.  And, best of all…is that cow.  That sexy, sexy cow.

Uh…is that cow wearing lipstick?  Should I have tingly feelings in my ‘swimsuit area’ due to a cartoon food spokes-bovine?  See, here’s the problem- once your cartoon character becomes THAT human looking…they better put on some pants.  Or at least a jacket-

Not a Flasher....he's got a jacket!

The truly bothersome thing about said cow is…it’s obviously an anthropomorphized female cow…but where are the udders?   This cow rocks the lipstick, but not at least a bikini?   This whole thing is starting to creep me out.  In the way a ‘furry convention’ creeps me out.

Shiny Tiger-Thong!

I know, I know…we’re all looking to blame some one for this late-developing ‘sexy Elsie.’  If I had to point fingers at this ‘sexification’ of our cartoon food spokesmodels…I’d blame the Japanese-

Really?  Really.  For more NSFW Sexy Cow, head on over to “SkinnyCow.com” and let your taste buds wonder about the OTHER Red Meat.

-alex fugazi

Okay, so I know it’s an April Fool’s joke…but it’s a pretty good one-

Google had this linked on their homepage today.

Apparently, Google labs developed the first AI that can reply to your emails for you, and will bring together all Google products under one furry fist.

And furry, I say, because the AI is calling itself CADIE, and CADIE’s avatar is a panda.

If you click through to CADIE’s homepage you get exactly what I’d expect from a AI made to take the aggregate of the interwebs, distill it, and throw it back up at us-

Pandas, tiled backgrounds, typos, and a disturbingly infectious soundtrack.  EVEN BETTER- there’s CADIE’s youtube channel where Google’s new Master Control has been making pronouncements for the last couple of days.  Best yet was CADIE’s mash-up of the powering down of the HAL 9000 from 2001 and Roy Batty’s end monologue from BLADE RUNNER.  Special shout out to Tad Zonday!

Pretty damn funny.  Now, I know it’s a calculated act by Google to try to be funny and engender more good will from their users…but it doesn’t mean it isn’t good.

That combined with the constant ads from ABC Pest and Lawn on AM590 here in Austin today- with them promising to get rid of Austin’s ‘Sasquatch problem’ and to ‘release them back to Oklahoma’ and Car and Driver’s online report that the Obama Administration is requiring GM to pull out of NASCAR if they want to take any more government money…it’s been a pretty good day here in Nakatomi land.

Hmm…at least I think that NASCAR thing was a fake…that’s actually a pretty good idea.  Why am I spending my money for Ford to keep the mullet-bedecked entertained?

-alex fugazi